So, I met The Sperminator once, many many years ago. He was smaller than I thought he would be. And as it turns out, he was even smaller than that.
It was on Nantucket, or possibly the Vineyard. I was a cameraman shooting a sit down interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito for Entertainment Tonight. At the time, they were promoting the movie “Twins”, but to be honest I have no clear recollection why exactly that was taking place on Nantucket. (Film festival?) I remember very little about the interview itself except that I was much more intimidated by Danny DeVito than I was by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Schwarzenegger was cordial and self-deprecating in the classic “superstar chatting up the crew just to show how ordinary and not affected” kind of way, whereas Danny DeVito projected something that made me think it was quite possible he might pull out a knife and stab me. Schwarzenegger seemed predictable. DeVito seemed unstable. Of course, everyone laughed at everything they said whether they meant it to be funny or not, ...a common practice of fan-show producers and reporters that can make for awkward moments when the celebrity on hand isn’t actually trying to be funny. For the most part I kept my eye on DeVito. He seemed more than a little manic. He seemed like the crazy guy on the bus who nobody wants to make eye contact with because despite being three feet tall, chances are he has a human finger in his pocket.
Schwarzenegger on the other hand, didn’t seem at all physically imposing. His freakish Mr. Universe proportions were already a thing of the past, and at 6’2” he only had three inches of height on me. As fit as he was, in person he wasn’t the scary Teutonic Goliath I had always expected he would be. Like most people who live with expectations, I’d been suckered by Hollywood. I expected an icon. But basically, in person, he looked like an actor. A stock actor. Basically, he was boring.
Back then, and for all these years since, I wondered what it was that I’d missed. My personal impression had told me one thing, but decades of Arnold Schwarzenegger accomplishments...including a two remarkable career changes, a marriage into political royalty, and a stint as the elected leader of America’s most populous state, gave me cause for a lot of self-doubt. Who was I to question? I’m just a dumb photog. Maybe he really was smarter than he looked.
But now, I think I was right after all. He may have been smarter than he looked, but he didn’t look that smart to begin with. Schwarzenegger wasn’t really special. He was really common. He was never brilliant. We didn’t underestimate him. He was, at best, entertaining, perhaps endearing, but for the most part, just tolerable, and also for the most part, just boring. An ordinary yutz, going through uninspired motions, ...as foolish, and flawed as any other self-centered, self-important, ego-needy guy, knuckle dragging or otherwise, stumbling their way across the landscape of decent behavior. His great advantage was a cute accent and a designated seat on the cutesy couch of late night talk shows.
It’s impossible to say where he will ultimately land. This is America after all, and you can never count out the public’s short term memory and it’s capacity to accept it’s bad children back into the house. So there’s always the chance of redemption, American style.
But I hope not. Our culture needs to wake up (finally) to the fact that celebrity is most often just the result of coincidence. Maintaining it is just a job skill, and indicates no special intelligence, character, or ability to lead. The silly endless parade of politicians and Hollywood celebrities back and forth between their respective industries has done nothing over the years but confirm that fact.
Arnold Schwarzenegger gave us the creeps when he used to pose in his bathing suit. He gives us the creeps now.
Truth is: Until he can prove otherwise,
...he’s just another creep.
Ask his wife.
© 2011 J. Mark Rast
It was on Nantucket, or possibly the Vineyard. I was a cameraman shooting a sit down interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito for Entertainment Tonight. At the time, they were promoting the movie “Twins”, but to be honest I have no clear recollection why exactly that was taking place on Nantucket. (Film festival?) I remember very little about the interview itself except that I was much more intimidated by Danny DeVito than I was by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Schwarzenegger was cordial and self-deprecating in the classic “superstar chatting up the crew just to show how ordinary and not affected” kind of way, whereas Danny DeVito projected something that made me think it was quite possible he might pull out a knife and stab me. Schwarzenegger seemed predictable. DeVito seemed unstable. Of course, everyone laughed at everything they said whether they meant it to be funny or not, ...a common practice of fan-show producers and reporters that can make for awkward moments when the celebrity on hand isn’t actually trying to be funny. For the most part I kept my eye on DeVito. He seemed more than a little manic. He seemed like the crazy guy on the bus who nobody wants to make eye contact with because despite being three feet tall, chances are he has a human finger in his pocket.
Schwarzenegger on the other hand, didn’t seem at all physically imposing. His freakish Mr. Universe proportions were already a thing of the past, and at 6’2” he only had three inches of height on me. As fit as he was, in person he wasn’t the scary Teutonic Goliath I had always expected he would be. Like most people who live with expectations, I’d been suckered by Hollywood. I expected an icon. But basically, in person, he looked like an actor. A stock actor. Basically, he was boring.
Back then, and for all these years since, I wondered what it was that I’d missed. My personal impression had told me one thing, but decades of Arnold Schwarzenegger accomplishments...including a two remarkable career changes, a marriage into political royalty, and a stint as the elected leader of America’s most populous state, gave me cause for a lot of self-doubt. Who was I to question? I’m just a dumb photog. Maybe he really was smarter than he looked.
But now, I think I was right after all. He may have been smarter than he looked, but he didn’t look that smart to begin with. Schwarzenegger wasn’t really special. He was really common. He was never brilliant. We didn’t underestimate him. He was, at best, entertaining, perhaps endearing, but for the most part, just tolerable, and also for the most part, just boring. An ordinary yutz, going through uninspired motions, ...as foolish, and flawed as any other self-centered, self-important, ego-needy guy, knuckle dragging or otherwise, stumbling their way across the landscape of decent behavior. His great advantage was a cute accent and a designated seat on the cutesy couch of late night talk shows.
It’s impossible to say where he will ultimately land. This is America after all, and you can never count out the public’s short term memory and it’s capacity to accept it’s bad children back into the house. So there’s always the chance of redemption, American style.
But I hope not. Our culture needs to wake up (finally) to the fact that celebrity is most often just the result of coincidence. Maintaining it is just a job skill, and indicates no special intelligence, character, or ability to lead. The silly endless parade of politicians and Hollywood celebrities back and forth between their respective industries has done nothing over the years but confirm that fact.
Arnold Schwarzenegger gave us the creeps when he used to pose in his bathing suit. He gives us the creeps now.
Truth is: Until he can prove otherwise,
...he’s just another creep.
Ask his wife.
© 2011 J. Mark Rast
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