16 YEAR FBI FAILURE TO CATCH WHITEY EXPLAINED: “We were looking for the wrong guy.”
Stanley "Whitey" Fafara
A highly placed Federal Bureau of Investigation source has confirmed to KIELBASAPROBE, the special investigative unit of kielbasablog.com, that the hitherto inexplicable delay in capturing renegade mobster James “Whitey” Bulger, was a simple matter of mistaken identity.
“Basically we were looking for the wrong “Whitey”. Because of a 16 year misunderstanding, we accidentally were focused on seeking the whereabouts of one, Stanley Fafara, the former child actor who played the character “Whitey” on the hit 1950’s television series, ‘Leave It To Beaver’."
"It was an honest mistake.”
The person who should have been the target of the search was in fact the notorious hoodlum, James Joseph Bulger, the now legendary Boston based mobster who led a reign of terror in his native Boston, and has since been implicated in the murders of at least 19 people. In 1994, Bulger was tipped off by corrupt FBI agent John Connolly that he was about to be arrested. Bulger fled his South Boston home and remained at large for 16 years until picked up in Santa Monica, CA earlier this week by FBI agents, allegedly acting on a tip from a menopausal viewer of “The View”.
Pressed to explain how such a mistake could have occurred, and go unrealized for 16 years, the embarrassed federal source (who spoke on a condition of anonymity) described the remarkable investigative blunder and how it unfolded.
“Well, the first problem was that the initial guy assigned to this case happened to be a baby-boomer who had a lot of warm hearted childhood memories of eating Swanson TV Dinners and watching the “Leave It To Beaver” television series, which by the way if you’re not familiar with it, really was a wonderful show. He just sort of fixated on the name “Whitey” and things sort of snowballed from there. And all the confusing coincidental similarities did not help matters either! ...The remarkable physical resemblance of grown-up Fafara to Bulger. ...The endless portrayal of the strained Cleaver brother relationship where one brother is constantly trying to cover for the other’s transgressions. ...The diabolical Eddie Haskell/Stephen Flemmi type characters always lurking in the shadows. ...It’s easy to see how he got confused.”
Our source went on to respond to allegations that perhaps, because of the agency’s conflicted relationship with Bulger as an informant, some of the FBI’s investigative missteps were less than accidental.
“Absolutely not. Were mistakes made? Certainly. Were we to do it over again, we probably would discourage any agent from launching a full time investigation based entirely on research done leafing through old issues of TV Guide. We now know this had much to do with our wasting 15 years fielding surveillance teams to monitor the movements of Barbara Billingsley. But you have to admit, her resemblance to Bulger girlfriend Catherine Greig was striking.”
The source was then asked when the Federal Bureau of Investigation finally realized they were chasing the wrong man.
“About three weeks ago, when one of our interns happened to be watching an A&E Biography profile of Larry Mathers. The report made a fleeting reference to “the late” Stanley Fafara. Our intern then did an exhausting internet search of everything having to do with “Beaver”. Eventually he determined on Wikipedia that our “Whitey” had died 8 years ago, which was part of why we couldn’t find him. We also learned that “Beaver” is a commonly used euphemism for vagina.”
Finally, KIELBASAPROBE’s highly placed former law enforcement source was asked if Bulger’s arrest meant that all loose ends connected to the investigation have been tied up to his satisfaction. His reply...
Larry Mondello
“Hardly. One of the more disturbing by-products of that investigation has been the questionable activities of cast member Robert “Rusty” Stevens, A.K.A. “Larry Mondello”. According to evidence uncovered through a lengthy investigation, but mostly because his name ended with a vowel, the agency is still pursuing leads and still has serious concerns that this individual may be a member of the Gambino crime family and directly connected to the 1975 disappearance of Teamster boss, Jimmy Hoffa.”
Continue to follow Kielbasablog for further updates.
© 2011 J. Mark Rast
Continue to follow Kielbasablog for further updates.
© 2011 J. Mark Rast
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