A joyous Valentine’s Day to you all. With any luck, all of you have Valentines, or would be Valentines, or a secret admirer, or perhaps just somebody you are stalking. But no matter what the arrangement, what matters most is that you are doing your part to keep romance alive.
I know I am. I already performed my Valentine’s duties this past weekend, bringing home flowers (twice), sprinkling conversations with flattering comments (all sincere), and generally behaving like a loving, caring, in-it-for-the-long haul-soulmate, which I am. (I went to see The King’s Speech, which I didn’t care about seeing...and didn’t overtly complain once!)
And of course, being a seasoned veteran in these matters, I ignored the annual “Oh, you don’t have to get me a gift” spiel, and brought home not one, but two gifts, although these were both received with some trepidation.
That is understandable. One of the gifts was a season lottery ticket, (which will only truly be appreciated when she actually wins a $300 million jackpot), and the other was a $30 gift certificate to get a Chinese foot massage.
The latter was admittedly a bizarre romantic gesture, but I meant well. I was going for the humor/whimsy/be adventurous-you’ll probably enjoy a good foot massage reaction.
The reaction I got was a puzzled Just what the hell are you doing hanging around Chinese massage parlors? kind of thing. That was tough to explain.
Eventually I was able to talk my way out of peril ("It's across the street from my office...next to a candy store...and a funeral parlor!"), and I’m certain that someday, in a bunion driven impulsive moment, she’ll go for it, and a good story will be born.
Meanwhile, thanks to people like me, romance is safe.
In other news, a quick scan of the headlines reveals that there are others out there handling the Valentine’s Day pressures both better, and worse, than me.
-For instance, in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, a woman gave her husband a wonderful Valentine’s gift by rescuing him from an attacking tiger by clubbing the beast on the head with a large wooden soup ladle she was using to cook him a meal. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110214/ap_on_re_as/as_malaysia_tiger_attack_2 That’s a trifecta. She saved his life, cooked him a meal, and provided them both with an amazing afternoon of entertainment. I’m guessing they probably finished off the day with physical intimacy too, which has always been my reaction after having been attacked by a 900lb man-eating tiger. The down side is that next year is bound to be a painful letdown for both of them. (Though..., there’s always the foot massage thing)
-In Pattaya, Thailand, a Valentine’s kissing contest for cash prizes is ongoing after at least 36 hours (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110214/ap_on_fe_st/as_thailand_kissing_contest), with participants required to remain embraced at all times, including bathroom breaks. To me, that scenario conjures up images so disturbing that I can’t even begin to imagine them. All I know is that after one joint bathroom break with me, the contest, and any romantic relationship, would be done.
-And then, of course, there are the Valentine’s day woes of Hosni Mubarak, who is probably not getting the volume of Valentine’s Day cards to which he is accustomed.
Oh well, Hosni. There’s always next year.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
I know I am. I already performed my Valentine’s duties this past weekend, bringing home flowers (twice), sprinkling conversations with flattering comments (all sincere), and generally behaving like a loving, caring, in-it-for-the-long haul-soulmate, which I am. (I went to see The King’s Speech, which I didn’t care about seeing...and didn’t overtly complain once!)
And of course, being a seasoned veteran in these matters, I ignored the annual “Oh, you don’t have to get me a gift” spiel, and brought home not one, but two gifts, although these were both received with some trepidation.
That is understandable. One of the gifts was a season lottery ticket, (which will only truly be appreciated when she actually wins a $300 million jackpot), and the other was a $30 gift certificate to get a Chinese foot massage.
The latter was admittedly a bizarre romantic gesture, but I meant well. I was going for the humor/whimsy/be adventurous-you’ll probably enjoy a good foot massage reaction.
The reaction I got was a puzzled Just what the hell are you doing hanging around Chinese massage parlors? kind of thing. That was tough to explain.
Eventually I was able to talk my way out of peril ("It's across the street from my office...next to a candy store...and a funeral parlor!"), and I’m certain that someday, in a bunion driven impulsive moment, she’ll go for it, and a good story will be born.
Meanwhile, thanks to people like me, romance is safe.
In other news, a quick scan of the headlines reveals that there are others out there handling the Valentine’s Day pressures both better, and worse, than me.
-For instance, in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, a woman gave her husband a wonderful Valentine’s gift by rescuing him from an attacking tiger by clubbing the beast on the head with a large wooden soup ladle she was using to cook him a meal. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110214/ap_on_re_as/as_malaysia_tiger_attack_2 That’s a trifecta. She saved his life, cooked him a meal, and provided them both with an amazing afternoon of entertainment. I’m guessing they probably finished off the day with physical intimacy too, which has always been my reaction after having been attacked by a 900lb man-eating tiger. The down side is that next year is bound to be a painful letdown for both of them. (Though..., there’s always the foot massage thing)
-In Pattaya, Thailand, a Valentine’s kissing contest for cash prizes is ongoing after at least 36 hours (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110214/ap_on_fe_st/as_thailand_kissing_contest), with participants required to remain embraced at all times, including bathroom breaks. To me, that scenario conjures up images so disturbing that I can’t even begin to imagine them. All I know is that after one joint bathroom break with me, the contest, and any romantic relationship, would be done.
-And then, of course, there are the Valentine’s day woes of Hosni Mubarak, who is probably not getting the volume of Valentine’s Day cards to which he is accustomed.
Oh well, Hosni. There’s always next year.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
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