Option Options

As all of you who are married to a vampire already realize, the world can be a very intolerant place.

That’s why the decision by Facebook to expand it’s self-describing Profile/Relationship Status choices to include two new gay-friendly categories is so encouraging.  Gay rights groups have loudly applauded the decision as a move in the right direction, and I happen to agree.  Why should straight people be the only ones allowed to demean themselves on Facebook.

But is two new categories enough?  Of course not.  There is always room for improvement.

So I have a few category suggestions that I think should be added to the drop down menu.

But first, just so that you may appreciate the value of my suggested improvements, take a look at the pathetically incomplete category options that Facebook currently offers:

1. Single
2. In a relationship 
3. Engaged
4. Married
5. In an open relationship
6. It’s complicated
7. Widowed
8. Separated
9. Divorced
10. In a civil union
11. In a domestic partnership

These are all nice, and well meaning, but the list is much too limited.  Which is why Facebook should consider expanding the list by making many, many, many more inclusive option additions.  To be truly socially responsible, instead of the above, the list should look more like this:

1. Al-Qaeda Terrorist
2. Single
3. Single and ugly
4. Single and ugly but rich
5. In a relationship
6. Engaged
7. Married
8. In an open relationship
9. Slut
10. Totally lacking self-esteem
11. It’s complicated
12. In jail
13. Not white
14. Utterly shameless
15. Has big feet
16. Cat owner, ...you HAVE TO LOVE MY CATS
17. Widowed
18. Separated
19. Divorced
20. Open to suggestions
21. In a civil union
22. In a civil war
23. (sigh)...kids.
24. In a domestic partnership
25. Doing your mother
26. Married to a vampire
27. Desperate
28. Furry
29. Stalking you
30. Gluten free
31. Former camp counselor for Scott Brown
32. Indian Squaw
33. Covered with open sores
34. Transgender
35. Transsexual
36. Transportation Security Administration official (I do pat downs)
37. Hosni Mubarak
38. I’ll lick anything
39. Craig’s List Killer (reformed)
40. Might have slight drinking problem
41. Having an affair with a UPS driver
42. Sure plays a mean pin ball
43. Saving myself for Jesus
44. There’s a lot I can’t talk about
45. Fat

I think this list is much more realistic and useful, although I think there is room for even more expansion, and that is something that should definitely be pursued.  

It is also possible I may have personalized some of this a little too much.  (See items #14 and #44)

If you have any suggestions, a category you’d like to see added, or perhaps a fetish that you feel has been overlooked, please don’t hesitate to pass them along.

Meanwhile, keep your options open.










©  2011 J. Mark Rast

---