Ciao, Silvio

Things are not looking good for embattled Italian Prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi.  Facing allegations on a variety of very serious ethics charges, including trying to cover up his involvement with a 17-year-old Moroccan prostitute, Berlusconi now faces an estrogen tsunami of negative public opinion exacerbated by the unfortunate fact that he will be pleading his case to a female judge.  So there is a good chance he may soon be out of a job, jailed, or at the very least, castrated.  

Humiliated Italian women are not typically known for their calmed, reasoned responses.  And Moroccan prostitutes, it would seem, do no make first rate character witnesses.

So where next for Silvio?  What is to become of him.  What are his options?  Besides supplanting his wardrobe with an athletic supporter made of titanium steel, what should he do?  What will he do?

According to highly placed KIELBASABLOG sources in Rome (thanks Ratzo!), theories abound.  

These are the most popular...

• He will befriend a cricket, join a circus, turn into a jackass, and learn to spend less time on Pleasure Island.
  
• After resigning his post, he will apologize to his family, to his nation, and to women everywhere.  He will then move to America where he will join the cast of Jersey Shore.
• He will move into deep hiding in Sicily, where surrounded by endearing and loyal bodyguards, he will adopt a simple rural life, mend his ways, and spend his days raising sheep, tomatoes, olives and grapes until eventually he encounters a virtuous village girl whom he will court traditionally and respectfully until they marry and move into a simple country home where they will slowly, and sensitively, consummate their marriage in loving and respectful acts of physical intimacy worthy of a love so true, and a woman so pure. ...after which he will reveal that he has been banging one of her sheep.
• He will take a position as a production assistant on the ground breaking CNN evening news program, Parker Spitzer.  His specific duties will revolve around “craft services” and “making Eliot happy”.
• He will accept a position as a visiting professor at the Charles Sheen Institute of Ethical Behavior teaching a film studies course on Roman Polanski.
• He will move to SoHo, join a gym, and introduce a line of personally designed togas.
• He will become the spokesperson for a new line of hair color products from “Just For Men” called “Just For Disgusting Old Men”.
• He will remain in politics, swearing to continue his commitment to public service.  “As long as there are genuinely important issues from which I can distract attention, I will never stop chasing cosina veloce!”
• He will offer his services to the Vatican as a “love consultant” so that wayward libidinous pedophiliac priests can get back on a righteous path, or at least a hetero one.
• He will reinvent himself in a new career writing apps for smart-phones that will enable users to request sex from underage prostitutes in 23 different middle-eastern languages.
• He will spend the rest of his days cursed with Vesuvius Syndrome, an age based malady that results in painfully extended periods of frustrating dormancy followed by brief, sudden, unsatisfying eruptions.
• He will fade away, ignored, and forgotten.
  

We can only hope.

Ciao, Silvio.





©  2011 J. Mark Rast

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