As any hardcore devotee will tell you, the thrill of yard sales lies mostly in the art of the deal and never knowing what you might be coming home with.  In the case of one Duncansville, Pennsylvania man however, the real thrill was in learning that the deal wouldn't be fatal.  That's because hidden among the crated items Mr. Donald Forshey had successfully haggled for, was an ill-tempered snake, which slithered out from it's hiding place and bit him on the leg as he drove with his girlfriend along Interstate 99.  According to a story reported in the Altoona Mirror, police and medics responded, the serpent escaped, and Mr. Forshey, though bitten, suffered no lethal venomous consequences.
Exactly how the snake figured into the transaction has yet to be determined.  Likewise it has yet to be confirmed by Kielbasablog precisely what items and what terms had been negotiated in the deal.  However, an anonymous Kielbasablog source does report that at the time of the incident, both the victim and his girlfriend were consumed with shame and wearing nothing but fig leaves.

Next we go down to Dixie where (unless you are a fan of True Blood) it was not a stellar day at Weaver's Funeral Home in Bristol, Tennessee.  According to the Bristol Herald Courier, upon arriving at work, employees of the parlor were dismayed to discover a pair of living, breathing, non-paying, larcenous intruders, comfortably reposed in two of the funeral parlor's available caskets, ...sound asleep.  Police were summoned.  One man escaped (possibly by transforming into a bat).  The other, mortified, was captured, but not before helping cause over $9000 in damage.
On the upside, look for some great deals in the showroom clearance aisle.

Continuing our journey south, we move on now to sunny Monterrey, Mexico, where the Mexico Department of Tourism has extended it's rather lengthy run of tough luck thanks to recently published Associated Press reports of still more drug related cartel murders, including slain teen-agers, dismembered bodies, and one particularly entertaining episode where a victim managed to survive being hung off a pedestrian bridge, only to then be shot to death in full view of dozens of passing motorists.
Tourism officials are reluctant to speculate with Kielbasablog about any long term effects of the reports on Mexico's struggling tour bus industry, but continue to optimistically stress what they see as a unique "value added" aspect to the Mexican tourism experience.  One that will hopefully help the business rebound.  Said one source, "Where else are you going to be able to see someone hung live from a bridge and shot repeatedly, and then have a fresh cold Corona served to you with a lime in it...by a twelve year old?  Salt Lake City?  I don't think so."

Unless you are seeking a particularly bad day, don't be an animal with a bad attitude anywhere in the vicinity of presidential candidate Rick Perry...at least when he's out jogging.  According to Yahoo News blogger Chris Moody (of The Ticket), Gov. Perry, who is a strong supporter gun rights, wears a loaded sidearm while jogging.  Furthermore, in Austin, Texas last year, he proved he is not afraid to use it, when he shot a coyote he claimed was threatening his dog.  Exactly how far he is willing to take this gun toting swagger is still not entirely clear however, and it should be kept in mind that to date there are no coyotes legally registered to vote.
 
If it had been an oil executive doing the threatening, we're guessing he'd probably have shot the dog.



 

If you happen to be in New Bedford, MA and were hoping to get a quick high top fade while you watch somebody mutilate a chicken, this might be a bad day for you.  At the very least, your chances have been reduced.  Officials in that city, it turns out, have announced the city has ordered the closure of a local barber shop after they found evidence of ritualistic animal sacrifice inside, including an altar, candles, statues, religious symbols, and some storage pens containing some very much alive and very much relieved roosters and chickens.  According to a story in The Standard-Times and distributed by the Associated Press, the shop owner admits religious practices that involve the fowl, but claims they do not occur in his barber shop, where they might disturb customers, but only in rural settings, where they can disturb nature lovers, hikers, bird watchers, meth-lab proprietors, and other God-less non-customers.

And then there is the absolutely lousy day had by the Canadian Park Police in charge of safety at Niagra Falls, who can't seem to keep up with all the tourists getting swept over the falls these days.  As reported by Reuters, an ill-advised Japanese woman who had climbed up on a fence for a better view, slipped and fell into the cold rushing waters, disappearing over the edge, presumably to her doom.  In the ensuing search process, authorities did find a body, but not that of the unfortunate woman, discovering instead the remains of an unidentified male victim, who so far has not yet even been reported missing.
Police do not suspect foul play in either incident.  They have asked however, that in the future, anyone planning on being swept over the falls please check in at the main office, because otherwise, as one source speaking off the record told Kielbasablog, "It gets to be a bit much for the guys in Lost and Found."

It's hard to say who had the baddest day in this Chicago based story reported by Reuters on Tuesday.  Could be the theft victim (who'll never look at jewelry the same way again).  Could be the thief (who was caught red handed).  Most likely though, it was the cop who had to collect the evidence.  That would be because the evidence was a diamond ring that the accused felon swallowed when confronted by the victim's husband.  After an X-ray confirmed it's whereabouts, the police patiently waited, then retrieved the ring at the end of it's gastronomical journey, which means of course...well, 
......yeah.

Who says cops don't take shit in Chicago?

This past August 5th was not the best day for politically embattled Chilean President Sebastian Pinera.  That was the day he was trying to squeeze just a few more drops of public relations love juice out of his state sponsored TV prime time rescue of those lovable Chilean miners that occurred exactly one year ago to the day.  The problem occurred at an inauguration event unveiling a museum exhibit that portrayed the harrowing, but happily ended, ordeal.  Instead of hugs and kisses and hearts and flowers, the President, and the miners who were at his side, were showered with rotten fruit, rocks, and scorn, followed by a nice semi-riot, all courtesy of anti-government protesters who are seeking economic, educational, and environmental reforms, and who apparently are not willing to spend two months at the bottom of a collapsed copper mine before getting the Presidents attention.
As for the miners, looks like their glory days have pretty much passed, and they're well on their way back to doing what they do best.
...Getting the shaft.

"...and don't nobody go pressing dat alarm button, or I swear...I'LL SQUIRT"
According to the Associate Press, Friday was a bad day in Allentown for one Pennsylvania woman who was convicted of bank robbery while wearing a clown suit. According to witnesses interviewed by Kielbasablog, the woman successfully escaped with over $7000 in bank cash after claiming to have a bomb, but was captured shortly thereafter, when police stopped the bright orange SmartCar she was driving for having a broken tail light.  Inside the car, police discovered the cash, an unregistered seltzer bottle, several cream pies, a bicycle horn, and thirty-seven other clowns...all of whom turned states evidence. The forty-one year old felon will now spend anywhere from two to ten years in state prison where, because of state safety regulations, she will no longer be permitted to wear her size 46 purple sneakers.  However, using her new court approved stage name "Shanks the Clown", she will be allowed to earn extra income performing at correctional department events, inmate birthday parties, weddings, graduation parties and bar mitzvahs.

Real estate agents in Idaho Falls, Idaho had a bad day Tuesday when the news agency Reuters distributed a story across it's wires that Idaho Falls police had told an Idaho Falls resident, William Falkingham, to stop wearing a bunny suit.  Area residents had been complaining recently that Mr. Falkingham's practice of wearing a bunny suit, with a tutu, while peeking out from behind a tree and pointing his finger like a gun, was scaring local children.  It is feared that publicity from the story will further stall any real estate market rebounds and relocation trends, including home buying activity among upwardly mobile members of the neo-Nazi community, who had been increasingly moving into the area.  Neo-Nazis apparently have a strong aversion to tutus.  Said one swastika tattoo covered skinhead, "A tutu?!?  Are you kidding me?  ...And he wasn't even pointing a real gun.  No wonder the kids were upset.  We don't want to live where there's weirdos." 

And if you are a bear, and live in the Ukraine, and are an alcoholic, Wednesday was a very bad day for you.  According to the news agency, Interfax, the free ride is over.  In a published report, Ukraine's Environment Minister is promising to end the practice of giving captured bears free vodka in restaurants for the purpose of entertaining the patrons.  Apparently, historically, nothing has tickled the funny bones of those laugh loving Ukrainians like the site of a drunken bear slurring it's words and lighting the wrong end of it's cigarette.  No more.  According to Minister Mykola Zlochevsky, the practice will be banned, and once liberated, the detoxed bruins will be placed in a massive wildlife sanctuary built just for them, and their favorite pink elephants.
No word yet on what the Ministry has planned for the hundreds of other captured bears in the Ukraine currently being forced against their will to work as pole dancers.

Finally, the Associated Press reports that a Swedish man, Richard (Dick?) Handl, experienced a particularly bad day recently when he learned the hard way that legal authorities in peace loving Sweden take a dim view of unregulated scientific experiments, especially when they involve private citizens trying to split atoms in their apartment kitchens.  Mr. Handl, a nuclear hobbyist, drew attention to himself when he wrote Sweden's Radiation Authority asking if his attempts at building a kitchen based nuclear reactor were legal.  Police arrived a short time later and arrested him.  By his own admission, Handl had in his possession quantities of uranium, americium, and radium.  Since his arrest, Mr. Handl has promised to change his ways.
Meanwhile, responding to Kielbasablog inquiries about criticism of lapses in public safety, local authorities claim that until receiving the tip, they had no way of knowing anything was amiss, "Although in hindsight...", one ranking official admitted, "...the fact that every resident of the apartment complex was completely bald and glowing might have been something we should have paid more attention to."