Think your day is going bad? Well here's a little perspective to make you feel better.
"Was it good for you?"
People of America! We know you don't want to hear this, but you've got to stop inappropriately touching those pigs.
According to a recent study published in the August 2012 edition of The Journal of Emerging Infectious Diseases (which, by the way, is worth a subscription for the centerfolds alone), there has been an alarming uptick this year, in the number of confirmed cases of H1N1...otherwise known as Swine Flu. The increase has occurred most dramatically among humans who have spent time in near proximity to pigs at state fairs, particularly in the mid-western states of Indiana and Ohio. According to data collected by Minnesota veterinarian researcher Dr. Jeff Bender, the rate of porky infection is up five-fold. Out of 57 pigs tested, 11 (19%) were infected. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 158 cases of swine flu were reported in the first week of August alone.
Speaking to The Star Tribune, Dr. Bender expressed his opinion that regarding the state fair outbreaks, humans, not pigs, were most likely to blame. "Our suspicion is there probably was an exhibitor who brought it in and shared it with the pigs."
Even without a specific definition of what "sharing it with the pigs" means, that is one very disturbing Bad Day scenario, especially for those mid-westerners who can't seem to pass a pig on the way to the tilt-a-whirl without groping it.
God knows what's going on down at the corn dog booth.
According to a recent study published in the August 2012 edition of The Journal of Emerging Infectious Diseases (which, by the way, is worth a subscription for the centerfolds alone), there has been an alarming uptick this year, in the number of confirmed cases of H1N1...otherwise known as Swine Flu. The increase has occurred most dramatically among humans who have spent time in near proximity to pigs at state fairs, particularly in the mid-western states of Indiana and Ohio. According to data collected by Minnesota veterinarian researcher Dr. Jeff Bender, the rate of porky infection is up five-fold. Out of 57 pigs tested, 11 (19%) were infected. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 158 cases of swine flu were reported in the first week of August alone.
Speaking to The Star Tribune, Dr. Bender expressed his opinion that regarding the state fair outbreaks, humans, not pigs, were most likely to blame. "Our suspicion is there probably was an exhibitor who brought it in and shared it with the pigs."
Even without a specific definition of what "sharing it with the pigs" means, that is one very disturbing Bad Day scenario, especially for those mid-westerners who can't seem to pass a pig on the way to the tilt-a-whirl without groping it.
God knows what's going on down at the corn dog booth.
All clear, Chief! ...But you may wanna hose us down.
Next, leave it to Yahoo News.
We've got civil war in Syria, American soldiers getting killed by police in Afghanistan, drought in the plain states, skinhead hate killers shooting up Sikh temples, not to mention the most contentious presidential election in 44 years, yet, Yahoo News (that's Yahoo News, the online incarnation of ABC News) has decided that it's priority journalistic responsibilities include the reporting of......
...exploding toilets.
Not that razor sharp shards of porceline-death, shredding our nether regions isn't a valid concern. It is. And not just amongst lefty-socialist-deficit loving-sissy-pooh-poohs, either. Even real men like Ann Coulter have a genuine concern. It's valid.
(...Include me in that latter group. Toilets terrify me. It's why I wear a diaper.)
But, we wonder, even among the most Freudian misfit anal retentive dweebazoid malcontents of American disenfranchisement, are exploding toilets that justifiable a story?
Are they???
Well, thanks to Yahoo/ABC News, we now know, they are!
Consider this quote-ably fresh headline content ripped raw from the August 17th front pages of Yahoo News:
"Ticking time bomb in your bathroom? Exploding toilets prompt recall."
That's right, gang. Your shitter is a ticking time bomb. The Bad Day life experience has now reached right into your bathroom. And Yahoo News has run right in there with it. Yahoo is reporting that The Consumer Product Safety Commission has received no less than 304 complaints regarding exploding toilets devices involving the Flushmate III Series 503 toilet flusher, including 14 "impact or laceration injuries". As a result, 2.3 million of the Flushmate III Series 503 toilet flushers are under recall.
And you thought bin Laden was a threat! Well right now, it's Lethal Weapon 2, you're Danny Glover, ...but somebody just told Mel Gibson you're Jewish, so you're screwed.
Bet you didn't know you were in so much danger, did you? Well, you are.
But don't fret. Yahoo/ABC is on the case. Expect to see an expanded follow up investigative series sometime soon. Just as soon as they can refocus their on-line energies from their other explosive story; a California woman who is suing Santa Monica for $1.7 billion dollars because their parking meters make her sick.
Kaboom.
We've got civil war in Syria, American soldiers getting killed by police in Afghanistan, drought in the plain states, skinhead hate killers shooting up Sikh temples, not to mention the most contentious presidential election in 44 years, yet, Yahoo News (that's Yahoo News, the online incarnation of ABC News) has decided that it's priority journalistic responsibilities include the reporting of......
...exploding toilets.
Not that razor sharp shards of porceline-death, shredding our nether regions isn't a valid concern. It is. And not just amongst lefty-socialist-deficit loving-sissy-pooh-poohs, either. Even real men like Ann Coulter have a genuine concern. It's valid.
(...Include me in that latter group. Toilets terrify me. It's why I wear a diaper.)
But, we wonder, even among the most Freudian misfit anal retentive dweebazoid malcontents of American disenfranchisement, are exploding toilets that justifiable a story?
Are they???
Well, thanks to Yahoo/ABC News, we now know, they are!
Consider this quote-ably fresh headline content ripped raw from the August 17th front pages of Yahoo News:
"Ticking time bomb in your bathroom? Exploding toilets prompt recall."
That's right, gang. Your shitter is a ticking time bomb. The Bad Day life experience has now reached right into your bathroom. And Yahoo News has run right in there with it. Yahoo is reporting that The Consumer Product Safety Commission has received no less than 304 complaints regarding exploding toilets devices involving the Flushmate III Series 503 toilet flusher, including 14 "impact or laceration injuries". As a result, 2.3 million of the Flushmate III Series 503 toilet flushers are under recall.
And you thought bin Laden was a threat! Well right now, it's Lethal Weapon 2, you're Danny Glover, ...but somebody just told Mel Gibson you're Jewish, so you're screwed.
Bet you didn't know you were in so much danger, did you? Well, you are.
But don't fret. Yahoo/ABC is on the case. Expect to see an expanded follow up investigative series sometime soon. Just as soon as they can refocus their on-line energies from their other explosive story; a California woman who is suing Santa Monica for $1.7 billion dollars because their parking meters make her sick.
Kaboom.
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