Think your day is going bad? Well here's a little perspective to make you feel better.
POTUS needs you. Grab your umbrella. Now class...as we all know, for politicians, there are Bad Days, and then there are UBER-Bad Days, ...and guess who just had a whole week of UBERs?
Wow. So many hands. Let's see... Who should I choose to answer? Alright.... You there. Front row right. ...Wearing the tri-corner hat and the britches. What's your answer?
CORRECT!!!
It is in fact, our old buddy, President Barack Obama! The de facto leader of the free world who at the moment is increasingly likely to go down in American history as "The Great Resuscitator" for his amazing ability to breathe real life back into the right wing nut bag American Tea Party movement that had mercifully just begun to show signs of suffocating on it's own spew, but now finds itself completely reinvigorated with a full set of lungs and newly cleared airway.
Yup. Barack Obama, whose muddled meddling policy administrators, in their bombastic missteps regarding the make-believe Benghazi "scandal", the actual very legitimate IRS scandal, and the appalling Department of Justice Associated Press leak investigation scandal, have somehow managed to provide the far right an ideological Heimlich maneuver and simultaneously do something no one else in Washington has been able to do for forty years. Get everybody to agree on something!
Unfortunately for you, Mr. President, that something is: That you are SCREWED!
You and your team have actually managed to simultaneously tick off the left, the right, the center, the press, everybody who voted for you, everybody who voted against you, and most especially, Hillary Clinton, who is now going to have to spend the next three years custom crafting a presidential campaign designed mostly to disassociate herself from you!
And by you we do not mean "you" the pioneering, color barrier breaking, healthcare reforming, Osama killing, multi-cultural centerist modern American hero. We mean "you" the death drone dealing, tax abusing, free press compromising, Syria waffling, business hating outsider who is currently only succeeding in validating every tyranny-paranoid, conspiracy theorizing, tinfoil-hat-wearing closet racist out there, Which is pretty much completely opposite the place we were hoping you would take us to when we got our asses to the voting booth and elected you.
Oh well. There's always next week. As long as you don't make any dumb photo-op blunders. You know, like making a Marine hold an umbrella over you like you're Michael Jackson. Avoid things like that and you should be fine.
Wait. What?
Oh. Right.
Next!
Wow. So many hands. Let's see... Who should I choose to answer? Alright.... You there. Front row right. ...Wearing the tri-corner hat and the britches. What's your answer?
CORRECT!!!
It is in fact, our old buddy, President Barack Obama! The de facto leader of the free world who at the moment is increasingly likely to go down in American history as "The Great Resuscitator" for his amazing ability to breathe real life back into the right wing nut bag American Tea Party movement that had mercifully just begun to show signs of suffocating on it's own spew, but now finds itself completely reinvigorated with a full set of lungs and newly cleared airway.
Yup. Barack Obama, whose muddled meddling policy administrators, in their bombastic missteps regarding the make-believe Benghazi "scandal", the actual very legitimate IRS scandal, and the appalling Department of Justice Associated Press leak investigation scandal, have somehow managed to provide the far right an ideological Heimlich maneuver and simultaneously do something no one else in Washington has been able to do for forty years. Get everybody to agree on something!
Unfortunately for you, Mr. President, that something is: That you are SCREWED!
You and your team have actually managed to simultaneously tick off the left, the right, the center, the press, everybody who voted for you, everybody who voted against you, and most especially, Hillary Clinton, who is now going to have to spend the next three years custom crafting a presidential campaign designed mostly to disassociate herself from you!
And by you we do not mean "you" the pioneering, color barrier breaking, healthcare reforming, Osama killing, multi-cultural centerist modern American hero. We mean "you" the death drone dealing, tax abusing, free press compromising, Syria waffling, business hating outsider who is currently only succeeding in validating every tyranny-paranoid, conspiracy theorizing, tinfoil-hat-wearing closet racist out there, Which is pretty much completely opposite the place we were hoping you would take us to when we got our asses to the voting booth and elected you.
Oh well. There's always next week. As long as you don't make any dumb photo-op blunders. You know, like making a Marine hold an umbrella over you like you're Michael Jackson. Avoid things like that and you should be fine.
Wait. What?
Oh. Right.
Next!
"Try some!!! It's homemade!" Okay, so occasionally we here at The Daily Bad fall a little behind. We break our promises. We don't keep up with our creative content obligations. We get a little flumoxed, a little constipated, and the juices just don't flow.
Which apparently has not been a problem shared by at least one unique individual who likes to spend his creative spare time at home in...(ironically)...Watertown, Connecticut...filling one gallon plastic jugs with his urine.
Local authorities discovered the jugs...300 of them ....in the course of a residential well-being check at the man's house.
(Yes, this is what qualifies as news these days, at least here on the Internet.)
According to a story in the Danbury News-Times, (since re-reported via Yahoo! News), lucky employees of the Connecticut Department of Energy & Environmental Protection (DEEP) were brought in to assess the man's living conditions, and ended up having to coordinate the daunting task of removing 300 containers of vintage bottled wee-wee, ...a fact that is likely to become a popular negotiating point between current DEEP employees and their senior management during all future performance reviews.
Not surprisingly, authorities are expected to treat the discovery as a mental-health issue, and no criminal complaints are anticipated.
Even less surprising, this season's local demand for farm-stand fresh lemonade in family-size one gallon containers has seen a precipitous decline in recent weeks.
Asked by Kielbasablog for comment, one area produce manager, requesting anonymity, quipped: "I don't think there's anything to worry about. I'm still drinking it. ...I boil it first, but I'm still drinking it."
Which apparently has not been a problem shared by at least one unique individual who likes to spend his creative spare time at home in...(ironically)...Watertown, Connecticut...filling one gallon plastic jugs with his urine.
Local authorities discovered the jugs...300 of them ....in the course of a residential well-being check at the man's house.
(Yes, this is what qualifies as news these days, at least here on the Internet.)
According to a story in the Danbury News-Times, (since re-reported via Yahoo! News), lucky employees of the Connecticut Department of Energy & Environmental Protection (DEEP) were brought in to assess the man's living conditions, and ended up having to coordinate the daunting task of removing 300 containers of vintage bottled wee-wee, ...a fact that is likely to become a popular negotiating point between current DEEP employees and their senior management during all future performance reviews.
Not surprisingly, authorities are expected to treat the discovery as a mental-health issue, and no criminal complaints are anticipated.
Even less surprising, this season's local demand for farm-stand fresh lemonade in family-size one gallon containers has seen a precipitous decline in recent weeks.
Asked by Kielbasablog for comment, one area produce manager, requesting anonymity, quipped: "I don't think there's anything to worry about. I'm still drinking it. ...I boil it first, but I'm still drinking it."
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