Think your day is going bad? Here's a little perspective to make you feel better.
"You'll never cheat on me, right?"
In a Bad Day scene straight out of some kind of dark Elmer Fudd cartoon, a Utah duck hunter learned a big lesson about letting animals handle weapons recently, when he turned his back and took 27 pieces of buckshot straight into his buttocks...courtesy of his dog. According to a report published by Reuters, the dog accidentally discharged a 12-gauge shotgun as the man was stepping out of his boat to retrieve a slain duck. Officially, investigating authorities are calling the incident a "fluke". Unofficially, rumors are swirling that the shooting may have been the result of a hunter-duck-dog love triangle gone terribly wrong.
So far, no charges have been filed. Police report the dog was cooperative with investigators and voluntarily surrendered a concealed handgun it was carrying at the time of the incident.
Investigators are also looking into any possible connection between the cur and a recent string of armed robberies that have occurred at butcher shops in the Salt Lake City area. In all of those incidents, shops owners were assaulted at closing time by a gun waving masked robber described as having four legs, a tail, and wearing a hoodie.
So far, no charges have been filed. Police report the dog was cooperative with investigators and voluntarily surrendered a concealed handgun it was carrying at the time of the incident.
Investigators are also looking into any possible connection between the cur and a recent string of armed robberies that have occurred at butcher shops in the Salt Lake City area. In all of those incidents, shops owners were assaulted at closing time by a gun waving masked robber described as having four legs, a tail, and wearing a hoodie.
...stressed
If you happen to be someone who has invested the sum total of your life savings into the Mozambique banana industry, then you might be in for a Bad Day, thanks to a fast moving, industry crippling hoax rumor about a banana borne flesh eating virus that once transmitted, dissolves the skin, fat, and muscle tissue of it's victims. According to the French news agency, AFP, concerned government officials in Mozambique are working overtime to quell the rapidly spreading rumor which has caused sales of the popular fruit to come to a complete and total standstill. They are also urging citizens who suspect that they have a skin infection to not set it on fire as a remedy.
(...Huh???)
According to local reports, anxiety levels amongst Mozambique's residents are beginning to rise. Many locals secretly admit that being eaten by a banana and/or a lion, has long been one of their greatest fears.
Another unexpected consequence of the rumor has been the steep downturn in the personal injury litigation industry which has seen thousands of lawyers idled as discarded slip-and-fall banana peel hazards have virtually disappeared from the Mozambique landscape.
"It's been a hardship." lamented one attorney, covered with burns. "We want it to go away. We look forward to the return of the more traditional genuine disasters...the kind we're comfortable with. ...Boils, pestilence, plague... God willing, with any luck, we'll soon have a famine."
(...Huh???)
According to local reports, anxiety levels amongst Mozambique's residents are beginning to rise. Many locals secretly admit that being eaten by a banana and/or a lion, has long been one of their greatest fears.
Another unexpected consequence of the rumor has been the steep downturn in the personal injury litigation industry which has seen thousands of lawyers idled as discarded slip-and-fall banana peel hazards have virtually disappeared from the Mozambique landscape.
"It's been a hardship." lamented one attorney, covered with burns. "We want it to go away. We look forward to the return of the more traditional genuine disasters...the kind we're comfortable with. ...Boils, pestilence, plague... God willing, with any luck, we'll soon have a famine."
"Que pasa?"
And, it turns out, when it comes to having a Bad Day in the marketing department, you don't have to be a flesh eaten banana vendor in Mozambique. You can be Pope Benedict XVI down in Mexico City!
Seems that when it comes to generating sales of keepsake religious items (the true indicators of genuine faith after all...crucifixes, rosaries, statues, tee-shirts, snow-globes, coffee mugs, back scratchers, etc) the current Prince of Rome is a marketing dud...at least compared to his predecessor, the much beloved Pope John-Paul II, whose every appearance south of the border had commemorative pot-holders and fanny packs flying off the shelves.
But the reaction so far to the announcement by J2P2's replacement that he will be making his first Papal visit to Mexico sometime before this coming Easter, has been greeted with a collective Mexican yawn, and as of yet, virtually no Pope Benedict merchandise has begun appearing in the gift shops.
Marketing experts are so far at a loss to explain the surprising lack of interest, which is notable especially in a country where the religious demographic is measured, conservatively, at being 90% Catholic. One frequently repeated speculation, however, is that former Pope John Paul II successfully endeared himself by speaking to the citizens of Mexico in their native Spanish language.
According to a well placed Vatican source, in anticipation of his upcoming visit the the current Pope has begun preparing by taking an accelerated crash course in Spanish language skills and has so far mastered five essential phrases "God loves you.", "My favorite is Corona.", "I was only following orders.", "You know, I wasn't really a NAZI." and "Don't forget to stop by the gift shop".
Seems that when it comes to generating sales of keepsake religious items (the true indicators of genuine faith after all...crucifixes, rosaries, statues, tee-shirts, snow-globes, coffee mugs, back scratchers, etc) the current Prince of Rome is a marketing dud...at least compared to his predecessor, the much beloved Pope John-Paul II, whose every appearance south of the border had commemorative pot-holders and fanny packs flying off the shelves.
But the reaction so far to the announcement by J2P2's replacement that he will be making his first Papal visit to Mexico sometime before this coming Easter, has been greeted with a collective Mexican yawn, and as of yet, virtually no Pope Benedict merchandise has begun appearing in the gift shops.
Marketing experts are so far at a loss to explain the surprising lack of interest, which is notable especially in a country where the religious demographic is measured, conservatively, at being 90% Catholic. One frequently repeated speculation, however, is that former Pope John Paul II successfully endeared himself by speaking to the citizens of Mexico in their native Spanish language.
According to a well placed Vatican source, in anticipation of his upcoming visit the the current Pope has begun preparing by taking an accelerated crash course in Spanish language skills and has so far mastered five essential phrases "God loves you.", "My favorite is Corona.", "I was only following orders.", "You know, I wasn't really a NAZI." and "Don't forget to stop by the gift shop".
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