Think your day is going bad? Here's a little perspective to make you feel better.
"Sis...Boom......whatever"
It was a lousy day for the cheerleading squad down at University of Connecticut today, where the job of pumping up crowd enthusiasm became exponentially more difficult after the UConn Huskies women's basketball coach Geno Auriemma went public with his belief that any expectations of his team capturing a national title are unrealistic. Said the master motivator, "I don't think we're going to win a national championship this year. Sorry, I would like to, but I don't think we are." Even more inspiring, Auriemma went on to suggest that his player's best hope is that their opponents "screw up". "Then we've got a chance" he said.
Pep squad choreographers are reportedly now putting the final touches on an appropriately subdued cheer routine that will feature shrugging Goth cheerleaders dressed in Doc Martins staring blankly at the crowd muttering cheers like "as if", "like it really matters", and "oh, right".
Additionally, a new live performing costumed mascot character, "Maligno the Malamut" will also be introduced, who will for the most part, spend his time lying passively on his back along the sidelines with his feet up and legs open.
Pep squad choreographers are reportedly now putting the final touches on an appropriately subdued cheer routine that will feature shrugging Goth cheerleaders dressed in Doc Martins staring blankly at the crowd muttering cheers like "as if", "like it really matters", and "oh, right".
Additionally, a new live performing costumed mascot character, "Maligno the Malamut" will also be introduced, who will for the most part, spend his time lying passively on his back along the sidelines with his feet up and legs open.
"Plotz" A little under the weather.
And all across Scandinavia it was a intensely dispiriting day for thousands of substance abusing moose, after a widely circulated story by the Associated Press made light of an intoxicated Swedish moose who was found shitfaced and tangled up in an apple tree in the Goteborg suburb of Saro. With the help of saws and ropes, police and neighbors were eventually able to free the inebriated animal, but not before an embarrassing photo of the incident was distributed world wide. Moose activists were outraged. "It's because we're moose! You wouldn't see this if it was Bambi up there! This just makes us look silly, and doesn't help the problem one bit" complained an unnamed spokesperson for AAA (Antlered Alcoholics Anonymous). Another moose, (who prefers the pseudonym "Plotz" to avoid embarrassing his family), was more pointed in his criticism; "Many of us can't hold jobs and depend on individual contributions to fund our recovery efforts. You think it's easy getting spare change at a traffic light? Try doing it when you're 8 feet tall, stinking of gin, covered with flies, and wearing a clothes rack on your head."
In a gesture of solidarity, The Fraternal Association of Flying Squirrels also released a statement condemning the release of the photo.
In a gesture of solidarity, The Fraternal Association of Flying Squirrels also released a statement condemning the release of the photo.
RSS Feed